The Right Thing To Say By Linda Stowe
Some say that I am adept at using words. If that is true it is probably because I am a lifelong reader with an interest in how words are used. But apart from my ability to use words, I sometimes do not know the right thing to say. That is a different skill set.
Finding the right words is a social skill and, as an introvert, I have not had a lot of practical experience in that area. That is not to say that I have lived a life in social isolation. Until the day I retired, I talked with people every day. My life was filled with coworkers, students, friends, and neighbors. It seemed that I was in a nonstop conversation from morning ‘til night. But all that talking just boiled down to conveying information. It did not require a lot of thought to respond to inquiries. I did not need to emotionally invest in routine exchanges. Most dialog boiled down to a “fill in the blank” conversation.
These days conversations come less often, and, in most cases, they have been more meaningful. Somehow, I am starting to find the right words. The right words are about responding to the other person’s words. I am finally realizing that the key to being a good conversationalist is being a good listener.
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Polly here.
This piece really hit home with me. Being the lifelong introvert, masked for a while as an extrovert, but deep inside, always the intovert.
First, I have to go out on a sidebar and say that society favors the extrovert, the same way it favors right handers, or heterosexuals. I’m not whining. I’m just stating a fact.
Anyway. Back to the subject matter. My “work life” mirrored Linda’s in this “talking to your neighbor” kind of way. I carried on conversations from morning until night.
These days, I don’t engage in these “plug and play” conversations. At least, not if I can help it. They are tiring to the introvert.
In my current life, the conversations I have are more meaningful. They are mostly with people I am close to. People I love and care about. I prefer it this way.
But the biggest message Linda spoke to is this. Listening is key.
So many people think communication is all about talking. But the biggest, truest part is listening.
Real listening builds trust and helps us respond with thought instead of just waiting for our turn to speak. When we listen, we don’t just hear words. We hear meaning, emotion, and perspective. That’s how connections deepen. Every conversation becomes a chance to learn and grow.
Listening is being present. It means being open, and engaged.
There is no true conversation without listening. With all your heart.
