Once, in a land of rolling hill (just one) and wide-open spaces with rushing streams (actually, a small creek) there lived a toad named Walter.
Walter was much like any other toad, in that he liked to sit on the back porch at night, and catch unsuspecting bugs with the flip of his tongue, a party trick he learned when he was a Frat Frog at Big Pond University. Of course, once they found out he was a toad, they kicked him out of Phi Croaka Psi.
It was easy to confuse the two, to those who didn’t know. Toads and frogs are both in the order Anura. While toads and frogs are biologically the same there remain some big differences between them. For instance, toads are associated with a drier, wart-covered, leathery skin. They can live further away from water. Also, they have shorter legs than frogs. This was the give away at Phi Croaka Psi. He was a terrible dancer and it really showed with those legs.
It never bothered him that he got kicked out of the fraternity house. Walter was a bit of a loner. There would be times when his toad friends would have little parties at night, where they ate those little puff pastries and cheese fondue. But, whenever you get a group of toads together it is called a knot. Yes. Like a gaggle of geese, or a pack of mules. A knot of toads, which is what it felt like to an introverted guy like Walt. A big knot.
Anyway, back to the porch. At night. Sitting, zapping. In the cooler night air. Dreaming of faraway places, except for Antarctica, and isolated islands like New Zealand, New Guinea, and Madagascar. Toads are never found in those places. And he didn’t like to dream about places he couldn’t go.
But most nights, he didn’t have time to be dreaming. He was busy eating. Yes, up to 1,000 insects every day, is what Walter gulps down. Never mind his girlish figure. And while he is a little self-conscious about it, Walter doesn’t have any teeth. He has to swallow his bugs whole.
The only thing he really had to worry about was snakes. His only predator. But Walter had a way to back them down. His secret poison darts. Well. Not really darts, but glands. Yes, all toads have a pair of parotoid glands on the back of their heads. Handsome fellows. These glands and the skin in general, contain a poison which the toad excretes if feeling stressed or threatened. Count on it. The poison has different effects on different animals, some find it irritating to eyes and mouth, while it may be fatal to others. Sometimes it works on snakes.
Thankfully, for Walt, he’s never met a snake. However, one day, a misplaced princess from England, named Shirley, plucked him out of the dirt, squeezed him to her chest, and exclaimed, “There you are! My shining prince.” She kissed him right on the mouth. Walter looked over at me and said, “Blech.” I told the girl she must surely put him down gently and back away from the toad. She said, “Don’t call me Shirley. It’s Princess to you.”
She didn’t get warts, and neither will anyone else, from picking up a toad like Walt. But you can bet she had a bunch of secreted poison all over her hands. It just mostly doesn’t affect humans. But it is probably a good thing she didn’t rub her eyes.
Anyway, during the day, Walt sleeps. He burrows down into the dirt or mud, where it is cooler, and snoozes. And that is where he is today. He always has a nice long drink when he wakes. By absorbing water through an area on his lower abdomen called a seat patch. Also a big party pleaser at those old Frat Parties.
Most toads, only live about 3 to 5 years in the wild. But some have been recorded as living 39 years in captivity. I asked him which he would rather.
He said he was born to be wild. My good friend Walt.
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“I think it’s beautiful
the way you sparkle
when you talk about
the things you love.”
― Atticus Poetry, Love Her Wild
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“Hidden in the glorious wildness like unmined gold.”
― John Muir
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“I like this place and could willingly waste my time in it.”
― William Shakespeare
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