As a stand-alone condiment, I guess mustard would be my third. It is, by far, the best condiment for us. It is much lower in sugar and fat than its counterparts, ketchup, and mayonnaise. I like mustard, and I eat mustard, but I always feel like it needs some help.
Take the classic corn dog. There are those people who are firmly in the mustard camp, and the others side with the ketchup. I am bi-partisan in that respect. I think a combination of the two is the primary and profound way to consume the County Fair Corndog. And I’ve had quite a few.
Growing up, we kept the three condiments very separate when it came to our kitchen and our sandwiches. At least, that’s how the family was at the tail end of things when I came along. It wasn’t until I was in high school, at Paula Snyder’s house, as we were fixing some sort of lunch meat sandwiches, that I discovered the mixing of condiments. I was astounded and appalled when she put mustard, ketchup, and mayo, on one sandwich. I remember it so clearly. She said, “Take a bite.” And I did. It sealed the deal. Now, I mix up condiments like crazy, and in most cases, the more, the better, especially when it comes to mayonnaise.
All of this seemed important today because it was on this very date, February 15, 1768, that mustard manufactured in America was first advertised. This, in Philadelphia. Or so they say.
We know the yellow squeezy jars. And that mustard is made from the seeds of — wait for it — the mustard plant. Yes, they crush up those seeds, in some form or another, and mix them with water, vinegar, lemon juice, wine, or other liquids. They might throw in a little of this or that. And the end result is that paste, which is some shade of yellow or brown, in most cases. The end result ranges anywhere from sweet to spicy.
It has quite a history, and I won’t bore you with mustard through the ages. But it got its earliest beginnings in the Indus Valley. To expand. The Indus Valley Civilization was in the northwestern regions of South Asia. That place and those people lasted from 3300 BCE to 1300 BCE. It was booming during those times.
There were three early civilizations, all coming around back then — this Indus Valley, together with ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia. Of the three of these, the Indus Valley was the most widespread. In modern markers, its sites spanned an area stretching from northeast Afghanistan, through much of Pakistan, and into western and northwestern India.
That is such a long time ago. The civilization’s cities were noted for their urban planning. There was serious thought given to these layouts. They made baked brick houses, had elaborate drainage systems and water supply systems. They also constructed clusters of large non-residential buildings for work, I imagine. At any one time, there were anywhere from one to five million people living in this region and their cities. And, apparently, they liked mustard.
When we jump ahead to the U.S. on Monday, February 15, 1768, when the first mustard manufactured was advertised in Philadelphia, PA. We don’t know much else. But these days, the mustard can’t really cut the mustard.
Here are the top ten selling condiments in America.
No. 1: Hellmann’s Mayonnaise $401,204,800
No. 2: Tostito’s Salsa Total sales: $286,239,700
No. 3: Heinz Ketchup Total sales: $278,647,900
No. 4: Best Foods Mayonnaise Total sales: $175,221,400
No. 5: Kraft Miracle Whip Mayonnaise Total sales: $163,491,100
No. 6: Kraft Mayonnaise Total sales: $159,494,100
No. 7: French’s Classic Mustard Total sales: $88,099,770
No. 8: Kraft Mayo Total sales: $79,211,620
No. 9: Pace Salsa Total sales: $74,117,570
No. 10: Hunt’s Ketchup Total sales: $73,916,110
I feel a little sad for mustard, but as I said, it is best used as a mixer.
Which brings me to that day of discovery back in high school. It was really quite a remarkable thing. I can remember going home and telling my parents about putting three condiments on one sandwich. Of course, they just gave me “that” look. Like they frequently did during my youth.
But. That is one of the things that is best about being humans here on planet Earth. New discoveries. We can make a new discovery every day if we try. We can learn new things, entertain new ideas, regard new possibilities. I think it is better for us to be small explorers in the world right around us. It spreads acceptance. It compliments diversity. Spice, baby, spice. Just like mustard.
========
“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
― Charles de Gaulle
========
“It is never too late to give up your prejudices”
― Henry David Thoreau
=======
“All the diversity, all the charm, and all the beauty of life are made up of light and shade.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
========
Can we cut the mustard, or just mix it?
