I’ve mentioned it before, but I don’t read a daily horoscope. My mom used to like to read hers every day. In her late years, she could no longer care for herself because of dementia. So we moved her into the Greenbriar Nursing Facility near me. I went to see her every day, with a few exceptions.
Anyway, every day, I would read our horoscopes out loud. Her, Scorpio. Me, Taurus. It was funny. Most days, they meant nothing. But every so often, they’d ring true. Regardless, I don’t read them now.
But I do think our sign of the Zodiac can be quite telling of our personalities. Take me. I fit the usual descriptions of the Taurus. And I know a lot of people who fall right into the descriptions of their signs.
Take it for what you will, but there is the thing.
In a couple of months, it will be National Board Game Day again. It is always celebrated on April 11. I love a good board game, and the holiday aims to elevate tabletop games to the lofty heights of appreciation they deserve.
Historical evidence suggests we’ve been playing games since time immemorial. Or, maybe at least since the times when survival gave way to having some spare time on our hands.
A 5,000-year-old grave mound discovered in Turkey contains the archeological remains of an early board game complete with bone dice, hand-carved animal tokens, and game pieces made of shells. So yes. We humans have been playing for a long time.
And today, I found an article that pairs our Zodiac Sign with our favorite board games.
So, without another word, here they are:
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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Trouble ——- Aries folk are what they play, Trouble.
Chasing, racing, pawn crowning, primary color wearing Trouble is Aries energy incarnate. Trouble is distinguished by the novel presence of the “Pop-O-Matic”, die roller, which in true fire sign fashion, makes a cracking sound when activated, accelerates the game and prevents players from cheating via dubious dice rolls.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Catan ——- Catan is a game of strategy and land grabs, perfect for a fixed earth sign.
Taurus is a fixed earth sign that lords over the second house of values and possessions. These people are driven by comfort, the securement of tangible goods and the sense of superiority that comes from striking a bargain. In kind, the objective of Catan nee The Settlers of Catan is “trade, build, settle,” the living ethos of the bull. In a very Taurean pursuit, players trade in different types of terrain and the management of the resources they provide; brick, wood, ore, wheat and sheep. Calm, persuasive and prone to holding tight to the kind of grudges this game engenders, Taurus and Catan play nice.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Scrabble ——- Gemini’s are silver tongued and quick thinking, making Scrabble their game of choice.
Gemini is ruled by fast talking, words as weapons and phrasing as foreplay planet Mercury. As such natives are lovers of language and Scrabble provides the opportunity for Gemini to flex their smarts, talk s–t and vehemently defend the use of words they make up. I am confident that whatever monster was behind the push to officially include ‘eggcorn’ for Scrabble play was a Gemini.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Sorry! ——– Cancer rules the home the objective of Sorry! is always and ever to return to it.
Ever and always trying to make it home Cancer plays for keeps and in keeping with the objectives of Sorry! Cancer is synonymous with the archetype of the mother and rules over the fourth house of home and lineages. Apropos of this, Sorry! takes inspiration from the ancient Indian game Pachisi, arguably the mother of all board games whose roots reach back to the Iron Age.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
The Game of Life ——– Life is a game to the fun loving, wealth coveting, leisure seeking lion.
Leo is a fixed fire sign associated with regal bearing, with a cutthroat approach to competition, a dramatic predisposition and champagne taste. In kind The Game of Life is vaguely theatrical, played by selecting myriad life scenarios/professions, adding people to your party car and racing towards the green, leisurely pastures of retirement. In true lion form, the game is won by ending up the richest b–ch at the table.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Clue ——- Clue will scratch the Virgo itch to investigate.
Nothing is more erotic or satisfying to a Virgo than the cool breeze of being right. Virgo is the resident detective of the zodiac, ever living to dig deep and get to the bottom of mysteries, people, mistakes and garden beds. This impulse to scrutinize and desire to be right make Clue, the classic murder mystery of whodunnit, where and with what household item, the perfect board game for this mutable earth sign.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Checkers ——- Libra is the balance seeking sign of partnership and checkers is the dichormic game built for two.
Libra rules the seventh house of partnership and checkers is the board game made for two. Those born under the sign of the scales and balances have a natural affinity for order, beauty and equanimity and the balanced, visually arresting checkers board works equally well as a kitchen floor motif.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Ouija ——– Scorpios are made for seances and the Ouija boards that facilitate them.
Scorpio rules the eighth house of sex, death and transformation and natives exist a little closer to the veil between the living and the dead than most. Comfortable in shadow and unafraid of literal or metaphorical darkness the Ouija board is a welcome “game” to scorpions. Consorting with ghosts, conspiring with spirts, seeking answers from the other side and being the bravest person in the room is not just their forte but their preference.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Jumanji ——- Jumanji plays to the swashbuckling Sagittarius spirit.
Ruled by dice rolling, pony betting, belt loosening planet Jupiter, Sagittarius folk live to push boundaries and press their luck with any manner of games of chance. Interested in traveling, traversing and mind expanding, archers can get on board with Jumanji, “A game for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind.” Add to this that the OG and deeply beloved “Jumanji” movie starring Robin Williams was released during Sagittarius season in the year of our lord 1995.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Risk ——- Risk is a game of strategy and conquest, two hallmarks of the Capricorn archetype.
Ever weighing risk versus reward in their complex interpersonal games of strategy Capricorn folk can identify in full with this game of global domination. Developed by sea goat Albert Lamorisse who originally called the game my the very, very Cap name La Conquête du Monde (The Conquest of the World), Risk invites players to try their hand at territorial conquest via military campaigns, which sound like abject hell to me and like a hot date night to a Capricorn. This cardinal earth sign is built to endure and invest and Risk is famously interminable, requiring a commitment of hours and even days to finish.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Monopoly ——– Monopoly requires the kind of objective thinking that Aquarians trade in.
Aquarius is a fixed air sign and at its highest expression, it serves humanity through idealistic innovation and uncompromising vision. In kind, Monopoly was originally designed by artist/writer/feminist/inventor/progressive Lizzie Maggie to demonstrate, via board game, “the evils of accruing vast sums of wealth at the expense of others,’ essentially attempting to school the 1% on income inequality and the consequences of greed, a lesson that bears repeating and a fight that keeps on waging.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Candy Land ——— Candyland requires no reading and minimal counting making it a perfect fit for Pisces peeps who prefer not to meddle with the mundane.
If Pisces people had their way, the world would look more akin to Candy land than the gradient hellscape we currently occupy/are occupied by. Pisces is ruled by Neptune, planet of fantasy, delusions, escape and Lisa Frank coloring books and and Candy land is the edible, animate tree occupied, saccharine utopia that dreams are made of. Further fitting for the hard line/boundary averse people of the fish, the game requires neither strategy nor choice.
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So there it is. Your board game. Your sign. Is the match right?
Roll the dice and tell us.
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Life is more fun if you play games.” – Roald Dahl
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“In every real man, a child is hidden that wants to play.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
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“Games are the most elevated form of investigation.” – Albert Einstein
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Hey baby, what’s your sign. I mean, game?
