Sometimes, when a situation presents itself, I respond with a resounding, “Holy Moses.” And then, for some reason, it reminds me of molasses. Maybe the similar letters. Regardless, Moses and molasses have nothing in common, historically. At least, not as far as I know. But “Holy Moses” is a go-to phrase.
And yet, what do we really know about the man? We have to rely on the Bible for information about Moses, mostly.
Unless of course we refer to the Moses Movie, better known as “The Ten Commandments.” Yes. That good old classic epic film released in 1956. It was directed by Cecil B. DeMille and starred Charlton Heston as Moses.
Of course, the film depicts the biblical story of Moses, from his infancy to his role in leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. And then the big event. When he received the Ten Commandments from God on Mount Sinai. You can always stream it if you have never seen it. Or wait until Easter. It is on everywhere, then.
Anyway. How about that Moses guy?
Who was he? Really.
Well, I’ll tell you this much. In a Latin translation of the Bible, Moses had horns.
It is true. In the 4th century, Jerome of Stridon translated the Bible into Latin from Greek. Jerome was an early Christian priest, translator, and theologian.). Anyway. According to his translation, Jerome described Moses as “cornuta esset facies,” which means his face was horned.
Also, Moses’ sculpture at the St. Peter-in-Chains church in Rome appears to have horns. Later versions of the Bible do not imply that Moses had horns.
All of this is curious to me. I mean, how did Jerome know Moses had horns? Moses lived like 2,000 years before this dude. Same with Peter-In-Chains church. It was built almost 3,500 years after Moses was born. Is there a secret horny text somewhere, pointing this out? Curious minds want to know.
Here’s another thing. Moses is the most mentioned person in the Quran. Truth. In the Quran, Moses, who is also known as Mūsā ibn ʿImrān — whatever that means — is the most mentioned person. His name has been mentioned 136 times. According to the holy book, Moses is a prophet of God, along with others such as Isa, Adam, Harun, and Sulayman. No mention of horns in the Quran, I might add.
That’s all fine and good, but let’s get to some things that were not in the movie.
Moses murdered someone. Yep. After Moses grew up, he visited where his people worked and saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew. Out of anger, Moses killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. He fled to Midian, where he was later called by God. In the court of law, I’m not sure how this would play out.
If he had been given a life sentence, it would have been a long one, as Moses lived for 120 years. Moses’s life is divided into three parts. He spent the first 40 years in Egypt. For the second 40 years, he was a humble shepherd. In the last 40 years, he was God’s prophet, saved the Israelites from slavery, and took them through the wilderness. Even I know 3×40=120. Oldy guy.
Finally, nobody but God knows where Moses is buried, once he finally did kicked the can. According to the Bible, Moses was buried by God Himself. When the prophet died, God buried him in a valley in the land of Moab. To this day, no one knows the location of Moses’ grave. He remains the only person in the Bible that was buried by God. I’m guessing he might be the only person, EVER, to be buried by God. But that’s me, guessing. By God.
So, there he is. Our Holy Moses.
Oh, yeah. One more thing. He was the inventor of the first tablet. Way, way, way before the iPad.
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“Moses, the servant of the Lord, said to the people of Israel, ‘The Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among you, from your brothers—it is to him you shall listen.'”
– Deuteronomy 18:15 (Bible)
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“Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone.”
– Deuteronomy 34:7 (Bible)
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“The name of Moses is heard more frequently in this world than any other name.”
– Philo of Alexandria
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Holy Molasses. I mean, Moses.
