I’ve been thinking about a phrase lately.
And that phrase is a “bone to pick.”
As I found out, this phrase dates back to at least the 1500s in English. It appears in early modern English writing from the era of William Shakespeare. But he did not coin it. It just came from that era.
It likely comes from the image of dogs gnawing or fighting over a bone. But there is no conclusive evidence of this.
Of course, when I have a “bone to pick” with someone, it means that I have a grievance or issue to settle with that person.
I also learned that the earliest uses meant simply having a matter to discuss. The “bone to pick” was not necessarily an argument. But then by the 18th–19th centuries, it was clearly about chatting it up. I wonder why this changed.
Here is the thing with me.
I have not picked too many bones in my life. Even when I eat fried chicken or wings, I don’t get them quite as clean as most people do. But back to the phrase.
You see, I am completely conflict-avoidant.
And we all know that a conflict-avoidant person may have many bones to pick, but rarely picks them.
So what do we do instead?
Well, for one thing, we swallow our irritations. I usually tell myself that “it’s not worth bringing up. ” And boy, do I ever avoid hard conversations in order to keep the peace.
But in the end, it probably isn’t the best thing.
It can cause resentment. Or maybe even passive-aggressive behavior. And when things really build up, it might cause sudden blowups over something tiny.
I don’t know why I am bringing it up today, because as far as I know, I have no current bones that need picking.
I suppose I will now go out to the pantry and grab a Milkbone for my dog Lou.
In honor of the phrase and the thought for this day. That way Lou can pick a bone. And he will.
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“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” — Ambrose Bierce
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“Feelings that are not expressed in words are often expressed in behavior.” — Stephen Covey
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“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw
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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung
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“Problems cannot be solved if they are not acknowledged.” — adapted from James Baldwin’s thought
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“Clear the air, and the sky looks different.” — Proverb
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