Hurtful By Linda Stowe
Yesterday someone said something to me that was deliberately hurtful. It was one of those passive-aggressive comments that gives the other person deniability, but we both knew that the comment was meant to hurt. And it did. It also made me angry but, being a non-confrontational woman, I didn’t react.
Today I found myself still thinking about the comment and I felt just as angry as yesterday. Then I remembered a talk I heard years ago. It was at one of those workshops about setting goals or working with difficult people, something that HR departments conduct. At this workshop the speaker talked about dealing with anger so that resentments do not develop.
You have a falling out with someone, and it sticks with you. The next time you think about the episode, it seems a little bigger this time and your emotions also build. Every time you think about the incident, what happened seems to get larger. Like making a cone of cotton candy. Each time you spin it around, the cloud of candy gets bigger. And every time you think about what happened, your resentment increases.
That was exactly what was happening with me. Today I was angrier than I was yesterday. Then I remembered that the speaker told us how to resolve the anger. How to let the air out of the balloon. You just forgive them. I know, it doesn’t sound easy. How can I forgive someone who deliberately hurts me? The key is to understand that forgiveness is not the same as acceptance. I may not accept certain behavior from another, but I can try to understand it. Once I understand what might have been going on with the other person, I might be able to forgive it because I came to understand that that person was reacting to some negativity in their life.
It doesn’t change anything that is happening with the other person. In fact, it doesn’t even involve them. It’s about ridding myself of negative feelings.
As I thought about yesterday’s event, I came to the conclusion that I was not the target of this person’s anger. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I should note that, although I am capable of understanding and even forgiving, I do have three ex-husbands. So, I am not afraid of leaving relationships.
