Oh, the question everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask. Just let me remind you here, that I am like those brave ones on Star Trek. “To explore strange new worlds, to go where no man has gone before.” Yes, just me and my little computer, paving the way.
So, on to that delicate question. Can farts spread disease? As a disclaimer here, I am not the flatulent sort. Throughout my life, I’ve been gifted with several people who are big farters. I won’t name names, but I feel this puts me in a position to speak with authority on the subject, having this lifelong experience.
Anyway, on to the question, and the very short answer.
Can farts spread disease? It seems that if you’re wearing pants, you should be fine.
So as they say, “Keep your pants on.”
This all came about back in 2001. There was a nurse, an operating room nurse, who was concerned that she might be contaminating the operating room she worked in, by silently farting throughout procedures. Now let me sidestep for a minute here. I’ve been on the table several times. This is completely disconcerting to me, on so many levels. I’m not sure why, but when my innards are outwards, I don’t want someone farting near them, regardless. This is like having a heart transplant, or something, having that person’s gas in your body. No wonder everyone feels like crap after surgery.
Anyway, this obviously concerned that nurse too. So she asked an Australian science guy the question. His name was “Dr. Karl” Kruszelnicki.
So Kruszelnicki contacted more science guys and they conducted a study. They asked one of the subjects to fart directly into two Petri dishes from a distance of five centimeters. That’s just under two inches. Pretty close. The first time, they farted while wearing pants, and then a second the were nakers from the waist down.
That first Petri dish stayed clean. But, (no pun intended) the second one sprouted bacteria overnight. This would seem to suggest that clothing acts as a barrier between whatever bacteria might be expelled by a fart.
I know these findings may have adverse effects on many relationships. I’m not a relationship counselor, by any means, but it may be quite helpful to agree upon fart etiquette, much like a pre-nuptial.
Apparently, China’s CDC felt this farting business was a significant matter as well. Earlier this year, their Center for Disease Control and Prevention announced that “pants should be an effective barrier against farts that might carry the coronavirus.” So to avoid spreading COVID-19, practice responsible social distancing, and of course, avoid farting naked around other people. Not only is it imperative that you stay indoors, but you can’t fart on anyone there either.
You might thank me for this later — this public service announcement.
And you know how I am always saying that our actions connect all of us? How what we do ripples out and touches those around us? Well, in this case, especially if you are walking around without pants, it is true.
When our mothers told us to always wear clean underwear, they were really on to something.
So yes, keep your pants on and wear clean underwear. Like apples, it keeps the doctor away.
And as always, be caring, and be kind.
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No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
— Aesop
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The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.
— Hada Bejar
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I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.
— Kurt Vonnegut
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