Left Unsaid By Linda Stowe
One of the most surprising life lessons for me has been learning when to hold my tongue. I am an introvert, so you would think that speaking up would not be something I was concerned about. But it has been. For most of my life I have felt free to spout off about anything that occurred to me. Not surprisingly, this has led to some awkward situations, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. I’m embarrassed to confess that, in many instances, I assumed the problem was with the other person. They didn’t understand or misconstrued or couldn’t take a joke. It took way too long for me to realize that I was the problem.
I don’t remember the exact moment I recognized the problem, but I do remember the catalyst. I was reading something about communication, and I came across the idea that to be an effective speaker, a person should ask herself these three questions: 1) Does it need to be said? 2) Does it need to be said now? 3) Does it need to be said by me? If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then what I was thinking of saying should be left unsaid. I can’t say I am the model of reticence, but I can tell I’ve made a great deal of progress because of my relationships.
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Polly here.
I love this.
Relationships are great when they work, but they are also hard when they don’t. My introversion is coupled with conflict avoidance, so many times, I hold my tongue but later wish I had spoken up. Or then there are the times that I do say something and later question what I said. Or I wish I didn’t. Social conversations are the worst for me. As hard as I try, I’m not so great at the art of conversation.
We learn, and we grow. Hopefully.
And I will try to remember those three golden questions that Linda spoke of. I especially like those!
1) Does it need to be said?
2) Does it need to be said now?
3) Does it need to be said by me?
The biggest thing here is that we recognized our part in this.
And to do that, it takes an extremely kind-hearted and kind-minded person, filled with awareness and enlightenment.
Left Unsaid By Linda Stowe
