I was deeply affected by many of the movies I saw when I was a kid. I seem to internalize them somehow, making them a part of my own little life. One of those movies I’m thinking about is called “Who’s Minding the Mint?” Produced in 1967. In it, an oddball group of characters tries to break into the U.S. Mint. The small band of thieves utilizes little carnival boats floating through the sewer system beneath Washington DC. It was then that I decided I wanted to be a thief when I grew up. Namely, a safecracker.
I would pretend I was breaking into the world’s most enormous safe, slinking underneath the kitchen table, all the way to the oven, where I would pretend I was turning the dials to open the vault. A Frigidaire, nonetheless.
Later, my “wanna-be when I grow up” changed when Mark Spitz won seven gold medals in a large pool at the Olympics. From there, my dreams changed to Olympic Medalist Polly Kronenberger.
But, of course, neither one of those aspirations came to fruition. Yet, I still am fascinated with those who can outsmart a lock.
As you might imagine, there are plenty of tough locks in the world to break. I recently happened upon a list of the toughest safes on the planet.
Whenever I think about vaults, I imagine some sort of a bank vault with the giant wheel-looking thing right next to a series of smaller dials, all of which have to be just right before the heavy door will open.
But most vaults these days, the big ones, are not as conventionally built. And many are protected at all costs.
Believe it or not, there is a Mormon Vault. It ranked number ten on the list. The vault is privately owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and is located in Utah. The thing was built 600 feet deep within rock. That’s two football fields in. There are huge steel doors. It’s built to withstand a nuclear explosion and contains billions of family history records as well as church documents. And maybe Joseph Smith memorabilia.
Number seven of the top ten is quite a thing. The JP Morgan Vault. One of the more conventional vaults on the list. But this safe is larger than the length of a football field and is located approximately five stories below street level. As you may have guessed, there is a lot of gold there. About 5,152 tons of gold. An elephant weighs about 4 tons on average. So yeah. That’s 5,152 tons of gold and a whole lot of elephants. In addition, the vault has to be opened with several 3 feet long keys.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Vatican Secret Archives, being a former Catholic. It is fifth on the list. Of course, the usual suspects are inside — centuries’ worth of church documents and state papers. Privately owned by the Pope and located in Vatican City, all of this will be handed down to the next Pope upon death or resignation.
Only a few select Catholic clergy are allowed in. And it is fiercely guarded by Swiss guards every single minute.
Finally, we have the number one vault. The big and bad Fort Knox, in good old Kentucky. It simply can’t be broken into. At least, that is what the experts say. This vault contains 5,000 tons of gold bullion. And here is what it looks like if you are planning a heist. The fort is surrounded by four incredible fences, and two of those are electric. Inside those fences stand a line of guards encompassing the outskirts of the facility. They are armed to the teeth. All the time. All the way around.
The walls are designed to uphold any blast. They are four feet thick and supported by 750 tons of reinforced steel. Then there is the vault door. That would be a 22-ton vault door. Several people know little pieces of the combination. It takes all of them, in sequence, to open the lock.
So. There it is. Those impenetrable vaults.
But today, more than anything. I hope all of you feel perfectly safe.
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To be safe at the expense of the liberty of other people is a difficult equation.
— Madeleine Albright
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It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
— Aesop
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We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us thru that darkness to a safe and sane future.
— John F. Kennedy
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Safe. Or your out. Cracky.
