I’m pretty German. Of course, I was born in America. But my ancestors all originated in Germany. Pretty much, the whole bunch. The horizontal line of my Great Grandparents, all eight of them, came from Germany, Germany, Germany, and Germany.
I’m neither “proud” nor “not proud” of the fact. It is just a fact. The Germans have had lots of high points and low points in their history, like anyone else. They are known for their beers and their pretzels. German food is delicious. Germans are masters of everything from building cars to cooking brats.
And one more thing. They rule the world in sitting while peeing.
Of course, all the German women do. I hope. But get this. A whopping 62% of German men sit down “every time” or “most times” when they go pee. That’s more than men in 12 other major countries surveyed worldwide.
The Germans have a word for it: Sitzpinkler.
That’s right. Sitzpinkler.
The trend is fairly recent but has swept Germany, thanks in part to the “Toilet Ghost,” a device that instructs men to take a seat — in the voice of recent German chancellors for added authority. The main reasons for the trend are hygiene and health.
I only know this because recently, a UK-based pollster called “YouGov” published the results of a 13-country survey of men’s urinating preferences. Germany was the one where most men sat down “every time” to urinate.
And the margin is significant. German men are well ahead of their second-placed counterparts in Sweden, where only 22% of men sit down “every time.”
The U.S. is on the lower end of the scale: only 10% of American men sit down to pee “every time.”
So. Why the big trend? By all accounts, it’s a fairly recent development.
As mentioned above, the Germans have employed a useful tool. A device called the Spuk (“spook”), or WC-Geist (“toilet ghost”). It first came out in 2004. The deal is this. You place the device under the toilet seat. When a man goes near to pee and lifts that seat to get a cleaner shot at the bowl, the device voices a message requesting that you return the seat to its horizontal position and do your business while sitting down. For added authority, the warning can imitate Angela Merkel, Helmut Kohl, or other former chancellors.
And again, this is for two main reasons: hygiene and health.
How shall we put this delicately? Not every aim is true. Men who pee standing up (frequently) will miss the target, leaving a mess for (typically) others to clean up. Sitting down to pee is more hygienic and more considerate to your hosts. Parents are now teaching their young children to pee while sitting down.
Another benefit? Peeing while sitting down empties the bladder faster and more completely.
Apparently, Japan has a higher rate of men sitting down while peeing. However, Japan was not included in the survey. Just European and American countries.
Personally, I think it is a great idea. I mean, when men started peeing while standing up, they were just a step above apes. Peeing outdoors is easier when standing with a hose out the front. And men have the advantage there. But outdoors, it doesn’t matter where the heck it splatters.
When plumbing moved indoors, men should have been required to sit and keep it tidy.
The bottom line? No pun intended.
Let’s put the urine back in the bowl, boys.
When I am Queen, Sitzpinkling will be mandatory.
Just like no more Daylight Saving Time. And no more Columbus Day.
And peace, liberty, and justice for all.
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“When you gotta go, you gotta go.” – Unknown
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“In the grand scheme of life, peeing is pretty important.” – Unknown
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“Sometimes, the simplest acts can bring the greatest sense of satisfaction.” – Unknown
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Sitzpinkling. The men in your life should be Sitzpinkling.
