About once a week, sloths make a trip to the bottom of their tree to poop. Two things come to mind here. First, I wonder when the notion hits them because it takes a long time for a sloth to move anywhere, let alone all the way to the bottom of the tree. Are they like, “Oh god. Gotta’ go! That coffee is really working on me.” And then three days later, they are like, “Whew.” The second thing, and this is for the people who live where sloths live, we should all be glad they just don’t do their business from high above, as sloths (depending on the species) can weigh up to 22 pounds. This wouldn’t be like a bird taking aim. There could be some serious consequences with a sloth.
They live in the rain forest in South and Central America. I have never been to South America. I doubt I’ll be heading that way any time soon. But I think I would like to see a sloth.
There is something about their slow motion that fascinates me. They can only travel, on average, six to eight feet per minute. And I think it adds to their cuteness. However, their slow-movement and unique thick fur? Well, that makes for a great habitat for other creatures. Little creatures like moths, beetles, cockroaches, fungi, and algae. In fact, this green-colored algae on their backs provide a camouflage so sloths can avoid predators. Remember how Rambo did that in the first film? I think he got it from a sloth.
Just for the record, there are two types of sloths. There is the two-toed sloth and the three-toed sloth and from there, they are classified into six different species. But here is the thing. All sloths actually have three toes. But the ones called “two-toed” only have two fingers. That sounds like some gangster name, Freddy Two Fingers.
And this, just in. Upon further research, I have found that the two-toed sloth, in fact, “let ‘er rip” from high above when they have to poo. Only the three-toed sloth makes the journey to the bottom of the tree. Something about that extra finger.
Here’s more news on the pooping front too. As a consequence of their slow metabolisms, we know they only poop once a week, and sometimes just once a month. So, when the backed-up bowels call, they make their way down to the forest floor and once they get there, they do a little “poo dance.” They dance (sllloooowwllly) around while digging a small hole to defecate inside.
About half of all sloth fatalities occur when they’re on the ground, most likely doing their business or finishing up. So why do they do it? Scientists can’t figure it out. They speculate that it may have something to do with mating. I think they are just as happy as can be to finally be pooping. Yet. Their sloth turds tend to be massive. One crapper out of Teddy Three-Fingers weighs up to about one-third of the animal’s body weight.
You may be wondering why I am writing about all of this. Saying to yourselves, “Polly, what is the point to all this sloth poop.”
I read the news today. It was the same thing I’ve been hearing for the past four years. Time and again a painfully slow ache in my gut and the end results were totally shitty.
I figured you would rather read about sloth poop.
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“News travels fast in places where nothing much ever happens.”
― Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye
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“One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.”
― Gwendolyn Brooks, In the Mecca
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“Time drips, heavy, slow…”
― Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959
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