By my count, it is 12 days away. Yes. Christmas. And since there are 12 days between us, and the actual event, I always find it necessary to bring up the ode, the song, the story, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” What a great big story that song tells.
Now, it was brought to my attention, long ago, that these are the days that FOLLOW Christmas. But writing about them afterward really takes the air out of the whole thing. No one wants to hear about more Christmas, after Christmas. Unless, of course they are those sorts of people who leave their decorations up all year long because they just can’t get enough of Santa and the Elves during December. Remember to smile at them, mildly, but keep your distance. And for crying out loud, don’t give them any sugar cookies.
Anyway.
The first year I did this, in my writing, I made up my own version of the 12 days. I have no real recollection of how it went, so many years ago. But someone started off in some tree, somewhere. Then there were Two Girdle Gloves, or some such contraption. It was preposterous.
This time around, I think we should look hard and fast at the actual gifts, as they are numerous. It would be terribly expensive, from my general calculations. I mean, take swans for example. One swan costs around $2,000. Of course the math is easy on this one. To have seven swimming, would run right at 14 grand. Just for day seven. And if you have to repeat that, for every ensuing chorus. Holy Feather in my Cap, Batman. I found a website that did some projections on this. They put the actual price for the 12 Days, at “$39,094.93, or $170,609.46, if you count each mention of an item separately — which would amount to 364 gifts in all.” (Vox)
That’s a lot of Christmas. In fact, a few more thousand and you could buy a 2019 Lamborghini Huracan Coupe. I checked. They come in both red, and green.
My favorite gift has to be 10 Lords a-Leaping. The truth of the matter is, I used to go to a lot of dance bars — gay dance bars — in my younger days, most notably the grand and historic 1470 in Dayton. I can tell you most certainly, that one of the big reasons I went, was to see the Lords-a-Leaping on Saturday nights. Now, I have to wait until Christmas to hear just the mention of it.
One thing that struck me about “The 12 Days” is the mention of the geese. When I heard this song as a child, I would have had no way of predicting that one day, I’d be living in the midst of geese. We were city kids, after all. Now, I stroll out daily to see our two geese, Jack and Millie, and say hello. Their ears are covered with feathers, so it is quite necessary for them to speak rather loudly. I can not imagine the terror of having six geese a-laying. Two is more than enough.
Finally, the thing that perplexes me most about the song, is that people are a-doing things all over the place. Swans a-swimming, maids a-milking, and so on. I’ve never a-done anything. Look at me now, I’m a-writing this blog. Yesterday, I went out a-walking. Last night, I was a-watching TV. From here on out, I’ve decided to start a-doing things.
But, the reality these days, is that the five golden rings means your cell phone is ringing, and someone on the line is trying to scam you for every schilling you have. Just this morning I received an email from one “Yacine HAFFAD” congratulating me on having won $2 Million U.S. Dollars. All I had to do was click the link to contact dear Yacine. That is a piper piping, I’ll tell ya’.
Whether it is Christmas, or the third Tuesday of April, whether there are two turtle doves, or two dozen emails, remember what Muriel Rukeyser said:
“The universe is made up of stories, not atoms.”
And there’s too many to count. Either way.
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“A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.”
― Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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“There are souls in this world who have the gift of finding joy everywhere, and leaving it behind them when they go.”
― Frederick William Faber
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“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”
― Mother Theresa
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