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The Day I Became Fat
by Linda Stowe, GUEST Blogger
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I remember the day I became fat.
I was in the restroom at work. As I left to return to my office, I glanced in the mirror and saw something I had not noticed before… my body from the side. I was surprised by how thick my torso was. With a start, I realized that the camouflage was not working. All those dark colors and draped sweaters were not fooling anyone. Well, they were not fooling anyone except me.
In that one casual glance, I saw the truth. I saw myself as others see me. And it was not a good feeling.
Oh, on some level I was aware that my weight had been creeping higher. I had noticed that my clothing size was ratcheting up. Also, I had begun ordering my clothes online. I no longer wanted to shop for clothes in person. It was depressing and slightly humiliating to pass up the cute outfits and, worse, to find that the even larger ones were sometimes too tight.
I decided it was easier to stay home and order knit clothes with elastic waistbands from Lands End. Moreover, I realized that the color of my clothes had moved down the color spectrum, too. No more light colors for me. Black was my new black. Clothes had become a means of hiding my body, not showcasing it.
The day I saw myself in the mirror was the day that I adopted a fat mindset. I accepted that I was never going to “get back into shape.” My size-eight days were long gone. I might as well get rid of the boxes of size eights clothes. Also, the size tens. And, yes the twelves, too. I was heading for XXL-land.
And, most alarming of all, the thought was not all that painful once I accepted that this as my lot in life. I reasoned that it was the nature of things. We go through puberty, then menopause, then fat. It was that time in life.
That is the day I became fat.
But do we become fat, really? One day, we are size Normal and the next day we are size Normal-plus? Is it as simple as walking through a door or switching on a light? Probably not. Becoming fat is like a snow fall. It is a slow process that, at first is not even noticeable, then maybe a bit challenging, until, finally, we are mired in huge drifts that render us immobile.
Fat happens gradually. It creeps in with baby steps. Fat inches its way in while we are looking the other way. Maybe I start adding croutons and cheese to my lunch-time salad. You know, to change things up a bit. Then, every so often, I add some meat to the salad for more protein. Maybe throw in some candied walnuts for crunch. And, with all these extras, I should add more salad dressing. I start using a bigger bowl, too.
Before long, I have stopped with the lunch-time salads, and am working my way through the McDonald’s menu.
So, when did I get fat? Was it when I let my salads get out of hand? Or when I switched over to fast food? Or was it when I looked in the mirror?
Maybe it was when I stopped paying attention.
