The Judgment By Linda Stowe
It doesn’t take much for someone to decide what you’re about. One laugh—or in my case, the lack of one—can be enough.
A while back I was sitting with a small group when a young man told an off-color joke. It landed well with everyone else. Everyone laughed but I didn’t join in. The young man glanced my way, just for a second, but long enough to register the difference. I imagine that was all he needed. In his mind, I was probably a prude.
It’s an easy conclusion to reach. We sort people quickly based on fragments. A reaction, a tone, a hesitation. Just an impression that once it registers we rarely question. There was a time I would have laughed along, maybe even tried to top the joke. But something in me has shifted over the years. What once seemed funny now feels predictable, a bit sophomoric. Not offensive, exactly—just not worth the energy.
That distinction is invisible from the outside. All the young man saw was someone who didn’t laugh.
And so a whole story gets written in an instant. Not just that I didn’t find the joke funny, but that I am humorless, or rigid, or somehow above it all. A super serious woman keeping score. It’s almost impressive, how much we can build from so little evidence.
The truth is less dramatic. I still appreciate humor. I just find myself drawn to a different kind now—something sharper, more clever and less obvious. But those preferences don’t announce themselves in the moment. Silence is a poor translator.
We do this to each other all the time. We fill n the blanks with our own assumptions. It’s efficient, I suppose, but not very accurate. Every month I sit in the eye clinic waiting room and cast judgment on dozens of people that I will probably never see again. I wonder what they think about this plump little lady dozing off in the wheelchair.
Wordle guess words: about, super, prude
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Polly here.
This was such a powerful piece that Linda wrote.
Assumptions. Judgments. Yes, it is true. We all have done it. In just a moment, we gather, and we decide. Are we deducing when we do this? Or judging? Or both?
I think about the newer Sherlock show. In this, our good man Sherlock makes a series of rapid deductions. He goes through this process every time he meets someone. He conducts a sweeping assessment. He comes to quick conclusions.
In a way, we all probably do the same thing. When we meet someone, we notice things about them. And with those little bits of information, we form an opinion. Some of us are more adept than others.
Do you feel this is true?
In some ways, it is almost a necessary behavior. We have to decide what is right for our lives at that moment.
The scenarios may be different.
We meet someone on a dark street corner, late at night, as we are walking to our car. They are wearing black leather and chains from head to toe. They are pierced in several places and have tattoos on their neck and face. Have we formed an opinion on this person?
Or.
We are at a community party, and a friend introduces us to someone there. She is dressed more formally than most, wearing a red, tight dress. She has on lots of makeup and jewelry. When we extend our hand to shake hers, she only grabs it by her fingertips. Have we formed an opinion on this person?
Forming opinions. Assessments. Judgments. This entire area is always a bit murky for me.
What is okay? What is us being harshly judgmental?
And at the same moment, those people are forming opinions about us.
