We are all a little weird, aren’t we? Humans, in general? I think probably all of us have that one thing — or more. That “thing” where we think, I’m probably the only one on who does that, says that, eats that, whatever.
Years ago, we were driving back from Charleston, SC, and we frequently stopped at the same Wendy’s in West Virginia on our way home. I like to eat a hamburger now and again, with cheese, mayo, and a lot of pickles. So I told the lady at the counter, just that. I got just what I asked for, made to order, and it was delicious.
As we sat there in the dining area, eating our meal, a Wendy’s employee came to the table smiling, obscuring something in her hand. She set down a paper container in front of me, filled with pickles, and announced, “I like them too.”
She proceeded to tell us that when she goes home at night, and she and her husband are watching TV (he always gets to pick the show and hold the clicker), she sneaks off to the kitchen and drinks pickle juice directly from the jar with the refrigerator door still open. She glanced back and forth at us, nodding her head, chortling out a small, evil laugh.
So. Yeah. We all have our things. Maybe some more than other.
If we ever need further proof of this, we can always consult the TSA, the Transportation Security Administration, for examples. Every year, they release a list of the top ten weirdest things confiscated by the TSA. Since 2020 wasn’t much of a flying year, I figured the list would be weak. But last year’s culprits were as good as ever.
In sixth place was a baby shark. Last fall, someone tried to make it through security at Syracuse Hancock International Airport with a jar that contained a dead baby shark “floating in a liquid chemical preservative.” Those TSA officers in New York concluded the baby shark was too hazardous to permit on a plane. Like Snakes On A Plane, I suppose.
The last four spots?
• A slingshot.
• Roman candle fireworks.
• M18 yellow smoke grenade.
• A set of knives that were concealed in a secret compartment of a book. It was a copy of Brian W. Aldiss’s science fiction novel Helliconia Summer. The person hiding the knives had dug out a cavity by cutting out pages.
And the top five spots?
• A PVC pipe that looked like a pipe bomb, but was really a makeshift humidor for cigars.
• A bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo with two bags of marijuana stuffed inside.
• An AK-47 assault rifle and ammunition, pretty much in plain sight, in a suitcase.
• A solar power battery that looked like a bomb.
Finally, the top “weird spot” went to two TSA dog handlers from Newark Liberty Airport. They married one another in July 2020. By their sides were TSA explosive detection canines “Obelix” and “Proto” smiling as German Shepherds do.
I guess the moral of the story? If you want to be weird, it is all fine and good. Just don’t do it on a plane. Although, I think pickles are allowed.
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“I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.”
― Graham Parke, Unspent Time
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“It’s weird that apples bruise like humans. I’m glad they don’t scream when you bite into them.”
― Phil Lester
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“That proves you are unusual,” returned the Scarecrow; “and I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed.”
― L. Frank Baum, The Land of Oz
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We are all so weird.
