Well, another visit to The Woo.
Here is the thing. According to a 2023 Washington Post article, 70 million Americans read their horoscopes daily. And, for those who do not know, there are 333 million people in the United States. So. That’s about 21% of us.
What’s your sign, baby? I don’t read them religiously. But every so often, I’ll see what they say. You see, I got in the habit when I took care of my mom. I visited her in the nursing home every day, and she always wanted me to read her horoscope. So we did. Just before we’d watch The Price Is Right.
Anyway, the backers claim there is science behind it. And there may be. But I don’t think those horoscopes can foretell the future. If they did, the world leaders would be ruling by them.
For better or for worse, they are interesting to read. And every so often, they tell you something about your personality based on your birth sign.
So, today, horoscope fans, I offer your favorite desserts according to the stars.
Of course, we all have our favorites already. If I still ate sweets, I think mine would be pecan pie. Or unbaked oatmeal cookies in the refrigerator like my mom used to make.
But let’s face it. Food is a universal language. And believe it or not, our food choices reveal a lot. Even our desserts say something about us. According to this article, our favorite dessert can be told by our zodiac signs. If only we give it a chance.
As reprinted directly from the Reader’s Digest, here are your favorite desserts:
•••••••>
Aries (March 21–April 19): Homemade ice cream
As an Aries, you have a zest for life that takes you to unexpected places, and you thrive on adventure. When it comes to desserts, you normally like something with a little heat and a whole lot of flavor … but more than anything, you like a recipe that lets you make the big decisions. That’s why you’ll love making no-churn ice cream. It puts you in control of the process and encourages you to get your hands dirty—without spending a ton of time on it.
“Homemade ice cream prepared by shaking it around (as chaotically as you’d like) totally fits the Aries vibe,” says astrologer Bridget Pennisten, who goes by BP professionally. “It’s fast, fun and simple, and it’s a customizable shortcut to any flavor you’re into.”
Mix in your favorite sprinkles and candy pieces for a delicious frosty treat. Or experiment with mismatched ingredients like hot sauce and honey. You only need a few things in your kitchen to start getting creative.
•••••••>
Taurus (April 20–May 20): No-bake chocolate cheesecake
Taurus loves living a slow, luxurious, pleasure-filled lifestyle. And is there anything better than spending an afternoon lounging around the house while the smell of freshly baked goods fills the air? We’re going with no, especially if it’s a decadent and indulgent treat like chocolate cake or a batch of freshly baked brownies.
Luckily, you can still capture the vibe even if you’re not in the mood to bake (or nosh on your favorite candy). “People like to call Taurus lazy and indulgent, but that’s unfair—they just like to take their time enjoying things,” says Rose. “But when they feel like leaning into either of those qualities, there’s no better dessert than a no-bake chocolate cheesecake.”
This beginner-friendly dish comes together quickly. Add fresh fruit and fresh mint to finish, or try your hand at adding a crème brûlée topping for an elevated, even richer twist.
•••••••>
Gemini (May 21–June 20): Mini churros
Gemini has a reputation for being curious and adventurous, which extends from your summer bucket list to your taste in food. From sweet to spicy, savory to salty, and everything in between, you’ll try anything at least once! And when you find something new, you want to share it with the world. That’s why these mini churros need to make an appearance at your next shindig.
“Preparing hors d’oeuvres, charcuterie boards and cute little desserts is fun for a sociable sign like Gemini,” says BP. “And mini churros would make an excellent addition to the party spread.” Add some variety to the mix by creating an assortment of exotic dipping sauces. Not only will this provide options for your guests, but it’s also a great way to appeal to your flexible, fun-loving side.
•••••••>
Cancer (June 21–July 22): Cinnamon monkey bread
Cancer gets stereotyped as being a homebody. And while it’s not true that you spend all your time at home, you are pretty savvy in the kitchen. Comfort and nurturing others is your thing, which means you relish sharing recipes with friends. You like the classics and don’t care how “fancy” something looks as long as it tastes good, which is why you’ll love whipping up a batch of freshly baked monkey bread. This retro dessert often gets forgotten, but you’ll love how quick and easy it is to throw together while hosting family and friends at your place for brunch.
“Cancers love to keep things ‘vanilla,’ and a scoop of vanilla-bean ice cream on top of a plate of sticky monkey bread is the best way for this sweet sign to indulge,” says Rose. Monkey bread is particularly great for Cancer because it requires a few hands to put together, which means everyone can get involved and add a little love to the recipe!
•••••••>
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22): Boozy popsicles
Leo is always a little extra, and no occasion is too small or insignificant for you to show your best. As a fire sign, you’re also always looking for fun, freedom and fulfillment in your day to day. And because you’re someone who burns hot and doesn’t stop, the best dessert for you will be an icy treat to help cool you down.
Leos tend to gravitate toward desserts with a lot of flash and fanfare—the more ornate and over the top, the better. But sometimes it’s good to get back to the basics … sort of. A fruit- or liquor-filled version of your favorite childhood treat will hit the spot. “Because Leo season occurs in the middle of the summer, nothing beats a cold popsicle with fresh seasonal fruit,” says BP. “Leos can choose the colors to match their vibe, summer selfies and birthday party theme.”
•••••••>
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): Strawberry layer brownies
Virgos tend to be very health-conscious, so it might surprise some that you have a massive sweet tooth. But you treat yourself to little indulgences just like everyone else. The difference is that you won’t stray from your preferences. You like desserts with a few simple ingredients and a whole lot of flavor, and a strawberry-layer brownie bake will leave you wanting seconds (and thirds). Not only does it have all the classic flavors you love, but the fruit flavor adds a fresh twist that’s surprisingly appealing.
This dessert is also a reminder that you’re giving and sweet, despite all those high-strung stereotypes and zodiac memes, says Rose. Instead, you’re just multilayered!
•••••••>
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): Chocolate truffles
Libra is the sign of balance, which means you’re always looking for an excuse to treat yourself. And why treat yourself if you’re only going to go halfway? Only the finer things in life for you. Hey, you have to balance out all life’s stress somehow! A dose of chocolatey decadence will do the trick.
“Truffles are the perfect fancy treat for this Venus-signed sign,” says BP. “Not only are they crowd-pleasers, but they’re also easily customizable for whatever suits your fancy. Add alcohol if you’re feeling extra bougie.”
You can even make them yourself. Simply crush up your favorite cookies, then combine them with a block of cream cheese and vanilla extract. Scoop into balls, and dip in chocolate before freezing.
•••••••>
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): Chocolate cherry tart
Bold, sensual and complex, you don’t like to be limited. You believe that life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest, not micromanaged, which is why you don’t let anyone into your world without vetting them first … and why you also seem a little mysterious to others. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that Scorpios go all-out when it comes to dessert. You need something that can be enjoyed slowly and savored, like a dark chocolate cherry tart.
“This dessert is deep, dark and mysterious, but once you bite in, it’s warm and familiar,” says Rose. “Scorpio and a chocolate cherry tart have all these qualities in common.” It’s also the perfect mix of sweet and sour, just like you. Just be warned that it’s so sinfully delicious, you might not want to share. The same goes for the most popular dessert the year you were born.
•••••••>
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Microwave mug cake
As the mover and shaker of the zodiac, you fearlessly leap into unknown situations without looking back. These traits are reflected in your food preferences, which always seem to change based on your latest adventures. But with so much change in your life, it’s important to have an old standby, and for that reason, the microwave mug cake is about to become your new BFF.
“Sagittarius is never in one place for too long, so they need a quick and easy dessert to pull together,” says Rose. “A molten lava mug cake is a sweet way to end a fun evening by yourself or with your closest pals.” It takes only a few ingredients that you can literally get anywhere in the world, and then you can customize it based on your favorite flavor of the month.
•••••••>
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): Espresso cookies
You’re an ambitious go-getter who will work tirelessly to create the life you want, and it normally takes a special occasion for you to treat yourself to a luxurious dessert. But you deserve nice things, Capricorn! You won’t feel too guilty indulging in a high-brow twist on an old-school favorite, like warm espresso cookies with a glass of cold milk.
This dessert is sweet enough to satisfy your cravings without feeling too over the top. Plus, if you really need to justify it to yourself, it is a practical dessert when you think about it. “Capricorn is always working away, often long into the night, and a sweet treat can break up the grind,” says BP. “And adding instant coffee to your favorite cookie recipe gives it a caffeine boost to keep you striving for success.”
•••••••>
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): Pineapple upside-down cake
Aquarius loves challenging the status quo with new ideas and perspectives. You see things differently than most people, and your eclectic tastes reflect your free-spirited approach to life. When it comes to your favorite foods, this rare zodiac sign looks for a few things: great ingredients, unexpected flavor elements and a visual presentation that makes your jaw drop. And you won’t be able to resist a new revival of an old favorite: a pineapple upside-down cake.
“Aquarius loves to turn things upside down—usually perspectives, systems and ideas—but why not cake too?” posits BP. “Aquarius would love a retro dessert that looks nothing like anything else on the spread of the dessert table.” Mission accomplished.
•••••••>
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20): Sex in a pan
Yes, this is actually the name of a dessert, but we’ll get to that in a second. First, let’s talk about Pisces, the creative and artistic visionary of the zodiac. You love to spend your time imagining new ways to experience the world around you, savoring each experience to its fullest. And—news flash!—you’re not as innocent as people might think, which is why we knew you’d get a kick out of this dessert.
But we do have some other reasoning beyond that. “As the most dreamy and fluid sign of the bunch, you need a dessert to take you to a faraway land once you have a bite,” says Rose. “Sex in a pan is a messy, mouthwatering dessert designed to let your senses intertwine.”
Never heard of it? It’s made with a pecan crust and layered with cream cheese filling, chocolate pudding and vanilla pudding—then topped with whipped cream topping and shaved chocolate. Just throw the layers together, and don’t worry about the mess. That’s part of the fun!
•••••••>
So there it is. My is no-bake chocolate cheesecake. I have never had it. Not in the first sixteen years of my life when I still ate sweets. And during that time, I probably only had real cheesecake a couple of times. So, who knows? Maybe there is a science to this. Maybe a no-bake chocolate cheesecake would be some kind of epiphany for me.
Or maybe not.
I sure do like pretzels.
“”””””””””
“Dessert is like a feel-good song, and the best ones make you dance.” — Chef Edward Lee
“”””””””””
“Cakes are healthy too, you just eat a small slice.” — Mary Berry
“”””””””””
“Desserts are the fairy tales of the kitchen, a happily-ever-after to supper.” — Terri Guillemets
“”””””””””
Your dessert courtesy of the stars.
