Over the course of the centuries, September 8th has been a big day in the world of historical events. The planets must line up, somehow on this date, allowing for all sorts of unimaginable things to happen.
But first, a word. Assuage. I read it early this morning, and assuage is one of those that always trips me up in a sentence. I want to say “sausage.” Sausage, sausage, sausage. Links, patties, it makes no difference. I shall try to sausage your distress over reading today’s column. Of course, it is pronounced assWAGE. But it will forever be sausage. In a pan. Frying. Whenever I see that word.
Back to history. And all the whacky and wonderful moments therein. In no particular order.
1303 — This is the first one I noticed. It was reported on this date, that French King Philip IV captured Pope Boniface VIII. Like what were they doing? Playing tag? It appears in my mind, as two grown men, running about, yelling out, “You’re IT.” And then, finally, Bonny gets tired, and Phil ends up catching him off base. I have no other details on this. But I bet it is how it happened.
1858 — Abraham Lincoln supposedly said in a speech “You may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all the time”. Whether Abe said it or not, the phrase is as true as it gets. Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. Since we’re just fooling around here.
1939 — FDR declared a “limited national emergency” due to war in Europe. It is what presidents do. He took action, so that we could recover, collectively. As a nation. I’m just saying.
1504 — Michelangelo’s statue of David is unveiled in Florence. All nude, all the time. Michelangelo was only 26 when he began this work. What a thing. He depicts David before his battle with Goliath and wanted to depict the pent-up energy before battle, so he used a contrapposto pose (an asymmetrical arrangement of the human figure). It is regarded as one of the period’s most important sculptural works. The sculpture stands five feet high and weighs more than 5 tons. He carved this from a single block of marble that had been rejected by other artists. Apparently, there was not enough marble in that block for clothing. I will forever, in my mind, see David fighting Goliath completely nakers. This may also have an ongoing mental effect on the game of tag between Pope Boniface and King Phillip.
1930 — Richard Drew created Scotch tape. Where in the world would we be without him? Imagine the sight underneath the Christmas tree. A duct tape extravaganza. A round of applause for “See-Through Drew.”
1930 — Second major event, a big year. The comic strip “Blondie” made its first appearance. Dagwood. And my favorite, Daisy, the dog. Oh. And the sandwich.
1965 — The Monkees were born. Yes, a small ad appeared in New York’s Daily Variety, asking for applicants for a new boy band. Davy Jones had already been “cast” as the lead role for the fictitious band, but they needed three more. The ad attracted 437 young men interested in forming the world’s first manufactured musical group. The winners? Mickey Dolenz, Mike Nesmith, and Peter Tork. All for a TV show. The Monkees eventually “caught on” as a real band and started making their own music. They split up after a few years.
1974 — That old daredevil, Evil Knievel, attempted to jump the Snake River Canyon in Idaho. He failed. He escaped with only minor injuries. But did this guy ever successfully jump over anything? Somebody should have tackled that guy, stolen his motorcycle.
And finally. A birthday standout.
1932 — Patsy Cline, her real name was Virginia Hensley, was born on this date in Winchester, Virginia. She would die 30 years later in a plane crash. But the girl could sing. She was about 23 when she hit it big on the American country scene. I’m not a big fan of country music, but I love to hear her punch out “Crazy” and “I Fall To Pieces.”
Her music assuages any strain in my day, like a pat of butter slipping off the side of a pancake. With sausage links on the side.
I hope your September 8th was a happy one.
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“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
― George Eliot
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“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain
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“Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.”
― Albert Einstein
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