Late November can be a chilly time if it chooses.
Such was the case in England, for on this date, November 24, in the year 1434, the River Thames froze over solid.
Then, 281 years later, again on this same date, that London river froze over again, solid as a rock.
Apparently, it wasn’t uncommon back in those days. Between 1309 and 1814, the Thames froze at least 23 times. Five of those times, the ices were thick enough to hold a fair. So they did.
Yes, that ice was strongly solid, and it did such amazing things such as support printing presses that made souvenirs for those fairs. The people gathered and roasted oxen in front of big, open fires. This seems to me like it would melt that ice, so perhaps they kept the fires to the banks. I don’t know. But the celebrations were several days long and attended by scores of people. They called them “Frost Fairs.” They drank. They danced. They even marched an elephant across the river alongside Blackfriars Bridge.
It has been 200 years since the last Frost Fair was held. The Thames hasn’t frozen completely since. The final party occurred in February 1814. That crazy King George III was still on the throne. Lord Liverpool was the prime minister. Those long Napoleonic Wars were nearly over.
The fairs were a wild conglomeration of things. A bit of Christmas Bazaar, mixed with big top circus, mixed with drunken dance rave. The river transformed into a party-city on ice. The main activity focused between London Bridge and Blackfriars Bridge in the heart of the city. In some places, the ice was two feet thick. Or so they say.
But it wasn’t really all about the party. The fair was born through necessity. Back in those days, London was the pre-dominant port in the world. When the water froze solid, no ships were moving. And, without an open-for-business-Thames? Many livelihoods were at risk.
There were two main jobs at the ports back then. The “Watermen,” who transported people along the Thames. And the “Lightermen” who moved the goods along the river. When the river froze, those guys lost their ability to earn. So, they started a tradition and organized these frost fairs. They charged traders, merchants, gamblers, entertainers, and even prostitutes, for access to the ice.
There aren’t any deaths on record for people falling through the ice. But several accounts say that some had to be pulled from the river if they went too far past Blackfriars Bridge. There are several illustrations showing the various activities. These included, and I quote:
“throwing at cocks, hunting a fox, bull-baiting, sledging, and nine-pin bowling.”
I had to look up “cock throwing” and “bull baiting” — both of which are blood sports. Of course, fox hunting follows along that same artery. If I had been Queen of England, I would have banned these activities from the Frost Fair, right from my throne at Buckingham Palace.
By the time the last fair rolled around in 1814, most of the barbaric activity had faded away. It became more focused on food and drink. The highlight of the party was the roast ox. Many Vegans would say this, too, was barbaric. But, those English cooked their meat. It would take over 24 hours to roast the animal in front of a fire. One big ox would have fed around 800 people. They served mutton too, both in slices and in mince pies.
Sidebar. Why do they call mutton, mutton? Why not just sheep? I guess we do the same thing with beef and veal. We should just call it cow. And baby cow. We call chicken, chicken. Turkey. Bison. Rabbit. You get me.
Back to the fair. The food and drink flowed, especially drink — coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and then the major spirits. People clamored for a strong gin called Old Tom, another drink called Purl, which was a mix of gin and vermouth, and a very potent beer called Mum. They made temporary pubs on the ice. One was called “The City of Moscow” to make fun of the freezing conditions.
So there you have the Frosty Fairs, on the frozen river Thames, pronounce Tems. Because there was nothing tame about it.
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“It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Slippery Slope
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“Life is more fun if you play games.”
― Roald Dahl, My Uncle Oswald
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“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.”
― Andrew Jackson
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