Something should be done. A movement, a petition. I’m not even sure who we would send this to. But, Uranus should no longer have to be Uranus.
Let’s face it. The poor planet is the butt of all the galactic jokes.
Why is Uranus so depressed?
Because it has been dealing with this shit for years.
I’ll tell you how long, in fact. It was on this very date, March 13, 1781, when William Herschel saw what he thought was a “comet” but was actually the planet Uranus. So while Herschel discovered it, he was not responsible for its terrible name.
Herschel called it “the Georgium Sidus” (the Georgian Planet) in honor of King George III of England. The name “Uranus” was first proposed by German astronomer Johann Elert Bode. He did this in order for it to be in conformity with the other planetary names. All of them (to that date) came from classical mythology. So he thought Uranus would be a good idea. It is the ancient Greek deity of the Heavens, the earliest supreme god.
Anyway, I just think we should be proud of our solar system. You know. Look out for the other planets in our neck of the woods. There’s only 9, or 8, or 9, or 8 of us, depending.
The next closest solar system is a three-sun number. Yes, a triple-sun system with only one confirmed planet. They say, now, there may be two planets there. The triple suns are called just that, and the planet is Proxima-b. The next planet is Proxima-c. I am not sure what happened to Proxima-a. Regardless, I think they sound more like face cleansers than planets.
But back to us. Uranus has always gotten a raw deal.
For one, it smells like farts. True. It has lots of hydrogen sulfide in its upper atmosphere. That is the same gas that comes out when eggs rot. It is also found in farts. So. That’s a bummer, but fitting, for Uranus.
And, you know that age-old question? Do these jeans make my butt look big? Well, Uranus is the third biggest planet. It is as big as 63 earths. By size, the planets go like this: Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars, Mercury. To give you an idea of size? If Jupiter were a basketball, Earth would be a marble. Neptune would be a big softball.
By position around the sun, they are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus, Venus. And then our dwarfy friend, Pluto.
I should tell you, though. Just like all the outer planets in our system, Uranus mostly consists of gas and ice. It doesn’t really have a solid surface. Instead, all that gas and ice densely mix in around a rocky core. A lot different than Earth.
And there is carbon at that core. The pressure there is so great that it constantly spits out diamonds. Yes, it is true. It rains diamonds on Uranus.
Back to William Herschel, the astronomer. He worked closely with his sister Caroline. They were like partners in the astronomy lab. He was also a gifted musician, starting out on the oboe, like his father. Anyway, Herschel discovered that sad planet, and I think we should switch Uranus’s name back to George, as Herschel stated in the first place.
Let’s band together on this, right after we petition the government to change daylight savings. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
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“The end is never the end. It’s always the the beginning of something.”
— Kate Lord Brown
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“In the end, your integrity is all you’ve got.”
— Jack Welch
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“In the end, winning is sleeping better.”
— Jodie Foster
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The butt of the solar system. Bless its heart.
