I like inventions.
Inventors are a rare breed, if you ask me. They devise new ways. They seek solutions. They have the ability to create a process, or a device, that will do something new.
I am a worker bee, you see. Give me a broom, and I will sweep. Give me a spoon, and I will stir. Give me a shovel, and I will dig. And that is my scope.
And. You would think that in this day and plentiful age, that inventions would be slowing down. Conversely, they seem to be increasing, though that is just my unsubstantiated observation.
On 60 Minutes the other evening, I watched an interesting segment that highlighted Boston Robotics. The viewing audience was treated to a wide array of robot trickery and skill. Those robots, costing millions and millions of dollars, had not actually accomplished much in the way of usefulness to the public. Yet they were quite adept at dancing “The Mashed Potato.” — much better than I have ever done The Mashed Potato. They were amazing in this way. I’ll keep an eye on the story if they figure out how to do much else.
Anyway, while some inventions are completely ingenious, others seem a little pointless to me. In the past 20 years, especially.
The first one here was called the Bra Dryer. This came out in 2009, an invention by Alexander Farennikov. A guy. Apparently, just hanging a bra up wasn’t good enough if you are strongly opposed to putting them in the clothes dryer. Which I am not, for the record. Anyway, the Bra Dryer, for a pretty penny, uses infrared light and airflow to dry a bra in just 30 minutes. Hanging on a line would do the same thing.
The next one? It comes when you want to make the world go away. Try the Ostrich Pillow. This one was funded in the amount of $130,000 on Kickstarter in 2012. All you have to do is put the Ostrich Pillow over your head, and everything gets better. It’s just a big, fluffy hood, putting your head in the dark. They sold gazillions of them, I am sure. Sand not included.
Right along with the pillow was the “Snuggie” — as seen on TV. A wearable blanket is the Snuggie. The first wearable blanket was called the Slanket and did not do very well. So someone had another run at the idea in 2008. And that Snuggie has become wildly popular due to its infomercial campaign.
Then there is the Baby Mop. It looks just like a onesie with soft mop heads attached to the belly side, legs, and arms. Put your kid in the thing, and let them crawl along the floor, doing all the mopping and shining for you. This came out in 2012.
Finally, the Selfie Toaster. Personally, I am content with my breakfast without having my face burnt into my toast. But apparently, some people feel the need. The Vermont Novelty Toaster Corporation released this in 2014. The toaster uses a customized photo of your face that guides a special metal plate. Burny, burny. And a few moments later, your schnoz is on your toast.
These things are way beyond me. As I mentioned, I am not an inventor.
But if I were, I would focus on different things, I think. Like trying to figure out a way to get food to everyone. And shelter. And medicine to the sick.
And maybe not so much of giving joy rides into space, on the Richard Branson bus — The Virgin Galactic. Yes, it is true. For $250,000, you can take a ride into space. But think of all the sandwiches that would buy.
Inventions are beyond my scope. Give me a broom, and I will sweep.
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“Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle
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“To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.”
― Thomas A. Edison
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“Whoever had invented long division has a lot to answer for.”
― Joan Lingard,
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It’s new, improved, and worthless. Sometimes.
