For those of you who are polygamists, today is the day for you. Yes, it was on this date, July 12, 1843, when the Mormon leader Joseph Smith said God allows polygamy.
Now, I always think it is pretty neat when God talks to people directly. Normally, it is the other way around. A lot of people talk to God, some of us on a daily basis. What happens in my case is I yammer, yammer, yammer, going on about this and that. Then, when I don’t hear anything after a while, I say, “God? Are you there, God?”
And it is like Verizon has dropped another one of my calls. Nothing. Silence. Sooooo. In that way, I am amazed when God actually talks back to folks, like we see with Joseph Smith, today.
You hear it on the news a lot. A politician who is shaming gays, or transsexuals, or anyone different from them, stands there saying, “God says this. And God says that.” I always want to find out who their cellular carrier is.
Anyway, today, it hit me. Maybe it is not the person that is special. Maybe it is the date. Maybe we have to ask God questions on this date, July 12, like Joseph Smith, in order to get an answer. I tested it early this morning, and this is what I heard in my office.
“God. Testing, one, two, three. Testing, one, two, three. Okay.”
PK: Hello God. Thanks for agreeing to this little Q&A. We’ll start out easy. Why is the sky blue? And the ocean too?
God: Well, it turns out, a lot of people will pick blue as their favorite color. I knew that before creating all of you, so I thought I’d make some really big things blue. Like the sky, the ocean. The Blue Man Group. Smurfs.
PK: Amazing. Next question. What is the greatest thing mankind has ever done?
God: Definitely the peanut butter and jelly sandwich on soft white bread. Beyond comparison. The Reese Cup is a close second. But I like peanuts. I like elephants too, so I made them like peanuts. These are all bonus answers, by the way, kid. Count your blessings.
PK: Oh, thank you. Okay, next one. Is every snowflake really unique? Or are there two alike?
God: Most of them are exactly the same. They just melt so fast when you hold them in your hot little hand that you can’t remember one from the next. Like Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.
PK: Okay, this next one is tough. Who really shot JFK?
God: Humans will eventually figure this one out. I don’t want to be the spoiler and tell you the ending. But trust me, you’ll be surprised.
PK: Fair enough. Then how about Big Foot? Sasquatch? Yeti? Is it for real or make-believe?
God: Of course it is for real. I’m surprised you even asked about this one? It’s been all over The National Enquirer and on the Internet. There are t-shirts and everything. Fan clubs. You don’t question the platypus. Why do you question Bigfoot?
PK: Sorry. I was asking for a friend. Okay. Last one. What is the meaning of life?
God: I knew you were going to throw that one at me. But I’m all-knowing. The answer is at your fingertips every day. Life — the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
PK: Oh.
God: Disappointed?
PK: Oh, no, your greatness. I was just expecting, I don’t know, something less pedestrian.
God: Are you calling me dull?
PK: Never in a million years. I mean, never in all of forever. I just wondered about our souls. You know, what is it we are supposed to do?
God: Soften your hearts with love. Then, everything you touch will be touched with love.
PK: That’s pretty good.
God: Thanks. I wrote it myself. Well, hey, I gotta get back upstairs. Peter and I like to hang out on Cloud Nine each day to see who drops by. Anything else before I go?
PK: I love your “Hello Kitty” Socks. They look great with your flowing robes.
Talking to God 101
