Let’s talk about Texas.
Not how you think I might. Though I surely could.
Well.
Give me a minute.
Let’s see. Texas is the second-largest state by area in the United States. (Alaska is the first.) There are 268,596.46 square miles down there, which leaves a whole lot of room for crazy, if you ask me.
Strangely enough, it is also ranked second by population, with 29,730,311 people living within its boundaries. And when I say boundaries, I DO mean boundaries.
Ahem.
Maybe nobody really wanted Texas to begin with. I mean, this state had been ruled by six different countries, which include Spain, France, Mexico, the Republic of Texas, the United States, and the Confederate States of America. For some reason, a big portion of them continues to fly the Confederate Flag. I guess they didn’t get the memo.
But, things down there go by different rules than most other places, in case you haven’t noticed.
One example of this? They wanted their own power grid. We all saw how that worked out for them. Yes, they had a bit of cold weather earlier this year, and the entire power grid crumbled, leaving people to freeze to death. At least 70 people lost their lives.
On a much different note, I offer another example of the way the rules run in Texas. Back in 2000, DISH Network, located in Denton County, offered everyone living in the town of Clark free basic television and DVRs for ten years. IF they would change the name of the town from Clark to DISH. So they did. Now, DISH, Texas, is home to just 200 residents and 60 gas wells. They’ve run out of free TV. Stay tuned.
Here is another bad rule that is enforced in Texas. It’s illegal to own a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica in the state. Yes indeed. It is forbidden because one of the volumes contains a recipe for making beer at home. If you’re caught with the encyclopedias, you can be fined or do some jail time. I guess you have to buy all your guzzles.
There’s another law in that big land that says you can’t eat your neighbor’s garbage. Even if you might be incredibly hungry, you’ll be off to jail for snatching leftover Bagel Bites. At least you’ll get three squares in the Brig.
How about this golden rule? You can’t touch another’s teats. Well, mostly. It is against the law to milk another person’s cow. Ten dollar fine. I suppose they want to keep folks from washing down the stolen food from the trash cans.
And one more for the books? Wedding bells. As long as both parties are consenting, over 18, and not already married — you can skip having to get a marriage license. All you have to do is announce it out loud, in public, three times. I’m not sure if you have to click your heels or not.
As we know, there are some crazy, crazy, crazy laws down in that big space. Don’t mess with Texas, as they say. Incidentally, that phrase, “don’t mess with Texas,” was originated during a “don’t litter” campaign originated in 1985. I wonder if your neighbor can eat any trash you throw out of your car window.
So. I have to mention the nice city of Austin before I go. Between March and October, you can see some serious bat activity. Yes, those are the “South Congress Avenue Bridge Bats.” They are the largest urban colony of bats in the world. Around sunset, the city’s 1.5 million bats take off into the night.
Batty.
Just like the rest of the state. Everything’s bigger in Texas.
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“Being crazy isn’t enough.”
― Dr. Seuss
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“Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em.”
― Emilie Autumn
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“Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time.”
― Haruki Murakami
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Texas. Land of the Batty.
