I never write about St. Patrick’s Day on St. Patrick’s Day for several reasons.
1. Everyone else is reporting on this topic today, and it gets a bit old, hearing the same thing, over and over again.
2. St. Patrick was born in England. So the whole patron saint of Ireland was on loan.
3. I’m not Irish, and I have no interest in the day, really.
No, I’m pretty German, in fact. Although for some reason, growing up, Mom would always make something green for dinner on St. Patrick’s Day. I’m not sure why she did this, and if she were alive, I would ask her. Sometimes, Mom would fix little vanilla sugar cookies with green dye in them. Or, other times, it might be a cake with green icing. Or the worst. Green Jell-O.
Along with that was the meal. Always corned beef, cabbage, and boiled potatoes. I loved that meal. Heck, I couldn’t get enough of it as a kid. We’d typically have rye bread with it too. But there isn’t a drop of Irish blood in us. Although we always cheered for Notre Dame.
I’ve never had green beer either. That’s not to say that I did not have beer on St. Patrick’s Day over the years. In the past, that flowed just fine, despite my heritage. But I’m not sure how, or why, this came to be such a big “party fest” of a day, with people drinking out of their minds and wearing goofy green plastic caps on their heads.
I found one possible explanation. It started with honoring Saint Patrick on the anniversary of his death. Those good Christian people held a big, all holds barred party, party for the guy. A big feast, where Lenten food and alcohols restrictions were pardoned, just for the party. And that is — supposedly — why drinking became synonymous with St. Pat’s Day.
But here is the thing. The Irish seem to claim the color green. They’ve put the Irish spin on it. But green has been for everybody for a long time. Not just the Irish.
Green is the color between blue and yellow on the visible spectrum. And when you mix yellow and blue paint? Yes, you get the green. But even in physics, green is the middle of the road. You see, green light is in the wavelength range of 495–570 nanometers — and that is smack-dab in the middle of the visible spectrum.
On the conventional color wheel, it is not a primary color. Those are red, yellow, blue. Green is a secondary.
In the RGB color model, used on television and computer screens, it is a primary color. Along with red and blue. You would think these two color models could get their primaries lined up the same. But no. RYB. RGB.
Mostly, though, green is the color associated with nature. Renewal, growth, harmony, freshness, and environment. In all its wholesomeness and goodness.
Conversely. Green is traditionally thought of when money is mentioned — finances, banking, ambition, greed, jealousy, and Wall Street. Gambling even gets in on the act with those gambling tables of green. And then there is envy. People are green with it.
Green means go.
And if all of this is making you green around the gills, I’ll stop. I think I made the point. Green is the everybody color. Not just the Irish, and their claim on St. Patrick.
So, no. I won’t write a word about St. Patrick’s Day today.
Instead, I’ll tell you a joke.
Every night, an Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots of whiskey.
He downs each shot, pays the barman, and leaves. The bartender eventually asks him why he always drinks exactly three shots. “It’s one for me and one for each of my brothers,” he tells the bartender. “One is in America and the other is in Australia, and we do this to feel like we’re all still drinking together.” A month later the Irishman only orders two shots of whiskey. “Oh no,” says the barman. “I’m sorry for your loss. Was it the one in America or Australia?” “What?” The Irishman looks puzzled, then glances at the whiskey glasses. “Jesus no, it’s nothin’ like that. It’s just that I’ve decided to stop drinking.”
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Q — Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
A — You don’t want to press your luck.
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A — What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A — A shamrock.
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Q — Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A — They’re always a little short.
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Not Pat.
