Step right up. Step right up. Covered in mud, it seems.

It seems like Summer is the time of festivals here in the United States. A festival celebration can be about anything, really. As I think about the surrounding counties here in Ohio, we have festivals celebrating pork, strawberries, pretzels, peonies, beer, pumpkins, and so much more. People love to put on parties around here, it would appear.

But this is true all around the world. Festivals are everywhere.
Some of the most famous are the German Oktoberfest, Burning Man in Nevada, Carnival in Rio De Janeiro, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland, and so many more.

We all know and love these. Who wouldn’t? What with all that food, and fun, and bliss?

But sometimes, festivals can get — well — a little strange, to say the least.

And wouldn’t you know? I’ve found a few.

First, there is the “Monkey Buffet Festival” in Lopburi, Thailand. They hold this festival every year. I’m not sure when, or even how, it started. But the residents there, and tourists too, go around giving fruits and vegetables to the local monkey population of 2,000. All of this happens in Lopburi Province, north of Bangkok. It makes the monkeys very happy, it seems. Although, sometimes, the people there will prank the monkeys by freezing bananas and other fruits in blocks of ice. Not nice. At any rate, the festival was described as one of the strangest festivals by London’s Guardian newspaper.

Another weird one is called the Songkran Water Festival. This happens in Thailand as well. To put it in simple terms, it is the biggest water fight in the world. There are a lot of painted war elephants running around and spraying water on dirty hippies, in hopes of cleaning them off. Bring an umbrella or a wet suit, I’d say.

It seems that people like to get dirty at these things. Like in the next one, too.

Yes, this one would be the Fiesta de Cascamorras which takes place in the towns of Guadix and Baza in Spain. They do this every year on September 6 if you’re making plans. The two towns fight for possession of a statue of the Virgen de la Piedad. It is like a huge rugby match with thousands of people. The participants cover themselves in black grease & paint and then try to steal the statue.

They say that Spain has the best festivals. Probably because they’re mostly built on flimsy religious pretexts and give people an excuse to cover themselves in filth.

There’s always the Boryeong Mud Festival in Seoul, South Korea. Basically, they haul in a bunch of mud and play in it. For days.

Up Helly Aa Festival is Europe’s biggest fire festival. On the last Tuesday of January, hundreds of men don their finest Viking attire, light torches, and march through the streets. People from all over come to watch. It all culminates with the dramatic burning of a galley ship. Despite the hoo-hah, it is not an ancient tradition, just a bunch of guys setting things on fire.

There are a few festivals that are just awful, like Antzar Eguna, also known as The Day of the Geese. It takes place in a fishing town called Lekeitio in Spain. Participants attempt to decapitate a goose, covered in grease and suspended on a rope. Whoever wins gets the goose. Terrible.

And some of these festivals are terribly dangerous. Such is the case with the Onbashira Festival. It is the most dangerous festival in Japan. Grown men, who should know better, ride a gigantic log down a steep hill to prove their bravery. People risk life and limb doing this. Many are injured. Some have been killed. The Onbashira festival is reputed to have taken place, uninterrupted, for 1,200 years. It is the oldest festival in the country. Which proves that sometimes stupidity lasts and lasts.

If we look up “festival” in a good dictionary, we find that it is a day or period of celebration. Some of these places seem to have lost their copy of Webster’s.

As for me? I’m sticking with the kind of festival where you can eat a corn dog and win a stuffed animal by throwing darts at balloons. These days, I can’t handle much more excitement than that.

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“Anyone who’s just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.”
― Craig Ferguson

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“Pies mean Thanksgiving and Christmas and picnics.”
― Janet Clarkson, Pie: A Global History

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“Celebrate what you want to see more of.”
— Tom Peters

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