I remember standing in front of my Uncle Ray’s casket with my Dad. Uncle Ray was the oldest in their family, and Dad was telling me a story from his youth, as we stood there, watching Ray. This, in 2002. My Aunt Janet came up and nudged in between us, putting her arms around our waists, giving a little squeeze. She was tearful, as she looked up at my Dad and said, “Paul, you and I are the only ones left.”
Aunt Mary died first, too young. Then Aunt Delores, Uncle Ray. My Dad was next, in 2013. And yesterday, Aunt Janet died. The only one left.
It was early in the morning, 12:05. She always seemed to be doing things right around midnight. Heading across to the other side should be no different. She was a good, good woman. A warm smile, and a big, kind heart. She showed that kindness in so many ways. But Aunt Janet was a real straight-shooter. You always knew where you stood with Aunt Janet. I loved her for that.
She was the last survivor of the generation before me. The youngest of my Dad’s siblings. And my Mom was an only child. So, she truly was the last to go of that era. There is something about this fact that makes her death even more unsettling.
The passing of time. Life. Death. It is all eternal. And infinite. These concepts are difficult for us to understand, to fathom. Yet there they are, within us, and all around us. This Universe. Our Universe. Infinite. Eternal.
As humans, we get too far away from that space. Most of the time, we are thinking about a million other things, and doing even more. We move from one thing to the next, the happy moments, the worries, the responsibilities, the trials, the adventures, the tasks. The life events, spinning all around us, and we within them.
Every once in a while though, we find that sacred space in our selves. It can be hidden deep, but there it is. That place of peace, and love, and wisdom. And we only get there when we are very still, and paying attention. We can see a lot there, hear it, know it. If we are lucky enough to be that quiet. That connected.
I imagine the other side is filled with that immaculate, perpetual and constant space.
I don’t know what more to say, except that I will miss my aunt. This world will miss her.
===========
“Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge.” Abraham Joshua Heschel
===========
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” E .E. Cummings
==========
“What you are is God’s gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.”
― Hans Urs von Balthasar, Prayer
=========
