I, for one, am glad to be a Kronenberger. The name is unique. People always screw it up. But that is okay. It has lots of letters. I forgive them as such.
Yes, I am happy for a longer, unique name. I don’t think I would like to have a common name, like Smith, or Johnson, or Brown.
Or what about Jones?
Ah, Jones. The last name so common it’s practically a universal constant. You know how when you’re at a party, and you shout “Hey, Jones!” and about 15 people turn around? Well. I really don’t go to parties so much. So I made that last part up. But I imagine it might happen.
I also imagine that just because someone’s name is Jones, it doesn’t mean that they are all alike. Let’s start with the Jones, who is always early. Not just a little early—too early. Like, they’ve been sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes, watching the clock, wondering if it’s acceptable to text and ask if anyone else is actually showing up. But hey, they brought snacks, so they’re doing something right.
Then there’s the Jones, who always has a story. No matter what the conversation is about, they’ve “been there, done that.” You’re talking about a trip to the beach, and suddenly, Jones is telling you about their two-week journey to the Himalayas, where they narrowly escaped a yak stampede. You didn’t ask for this information, but now it’s your reality.
Now, the Jones who always has something to say, especially during meetings. It’s usually a comment that’s just a little too off-topic, but somehow, it’s always the thing that makes the group laugh or groan. Jones doesn’t care about the agenda. They just want to throw in their two cents about an obscure conspiracy theory or the time they got lost in the library for 8 hours.
Ah, the Jones who’s perpetually lost, like a character in a cartoon constantly chasing their own tail. You could hand them a map, GPS, and a detailed set of instructions, and somehow, they’d still end up on the wrong side of town. Whether it’s a new route to work or just a trip to the grocery store, they’ll take a wrong turn and end up somewhere entirely unexpected. It’s not their fault, though—getting lost has practically become their superpower. Typically, they are terrible at parking between the lines, too.
Then there’s the Jones who, no matter how sure they are, somehow always manages to be wrong. They’ll confidently declare that the capital of France is Rome, or that the moon landing was staged by Hollywood. When you challenge them, they’ll back it up with bizarre “facts” and irrefutable logic that—somehow—ends up completely off the mark. They’re the type to argue that the earth is flat with such enthusiasm you’d almost believe they’ve got a secret club of fellow flat-earthers. Despite their ever-growing list of misconceptions, Jones stands by their beliefs like a stubborn tree in a storm. At least you can always count on them for consistency in bad information.
I suppose these things could be applied to any name anywhere. Your last name may be common, or uncommon. We can see these same kinds of things in every place and every corner. And in every inch of this place.
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“In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.” – Etta Turner
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“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” – John Mason
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“We are all unique, but the common thread we share is that we are all connected.” – Unknown
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Are you Jonesed?
