Not Being Alone By Linda Stowe
We do a lot of things to avoid feeling alone. A common tactic is to keep the TV or radio playing, just to fill the silence. Some people watch television or scroll online to mimic the feeling of human connection. Others call friends and talk for hours. Many head to bars, shopping centers, or other public places simply to be among others. I remember a lonely spell when I rode the city bus, not to get anywhere in particular, but to sit among strangers and listen to their conversations. There is something about being part of a group—even when you are alone—that softens the edge of loneliness.
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Polly.
This made me sad, somehow. I think I felt sad for the people who feel lonely.
I have been lucky in that way. I can’t remember ever feeling lonely. I think maybe the closest I came was when my parents dropped me off at Butler University. As they drove off, I felt a terrible pit in my stomach. I think it was more fear than loneliness, though.
Anyway, as I mentioned. I don’t ever feel lonely, and I spend a lot of time by myself. Truly? I prefer it that way. I love being at home. And I like to be alone. I am a huge introvert in that way, at the far, far end of the scale. With that, though, I recognize that the feeling of human connection is important. Obviously, I think it is more important to some people than others. I mean, some people can’t get through the day without it.
But here is a very important truth: There is no “correct” amount of human connection. There’s a wide spectrum, and people land in different places. This is true for many good reasons.
First. Those who need to connect. Some people need a lot of connection. Talking and being seen help them. It makes them feel good. They seem to process life out loud. Their thoughts get clarity when they share them with others. They need confirmation. And safety. These people often feel energized by interaction. Loneliness can be really hard on them.
Next. Those who do not need to connect. These are the people who process things internally rather than externally. They find ideas, observation, solitude, or creativity more nourishing than conversation. They don’t need much conversation. They feel self-regulated without frequent emotional exchange. And, they value depth over frequency. They prefer autonomy over togetherness.
So while these two “types” are wide summaries, they are usually true in some way or another for most of us. We can put ourselves in those categories on whether we need a lot of connection or do not need it much, if at all.
I’ve run on a bit here, but I wanted to explore this more. As I never feel lonely.
